The house is silent now with bb napping, older kids playing on their own in their room; after a loud thunder from this rather annoyed and maybe tired mom....
Feeling rather tired emotionally and physically after roaring loudly at SE for seemingly minor disobedience, I can't help but reflect why do we lost out temper so easily?
Lack of sleep? Unfulfilled? Doing what we dislike doing? Imbalance?
Thus makes me think of making a change ...making my New Year resolution which has been a ritual for me..but hasn't really got the time to do self-reflection lately...
In the coming year, I hope to be well..
- Well-adjusted; practicing my daily breathing and reconnection with my inner heart
- Well balanced diet; a hungry mom is a roaring mom. I hope to take better care of my diet and include those stress-reducing nutrient like potassium, selenium,etc
- Well-fulfilled; how many moments more to waste before I do what I really wanted to do?
As I browse thru the statuses, pictures of friends doing well and happy overseas with their children, celebrating Christmas, there is a sense of emptiness in me; the unfulfilled dream of mine to stay overseas for a period of time, in a different culture, different food and custom...a long time dream of mine since young...something I missed when I chose to study locally to save $$ and time and to come out to work quick so that I could help out my parents; then forgo my dream to further my master degree overseas so that I could pay off my tuition fees and my sibling's tuition fee by continuing working...and then again missed it when I married young, became a mom young at age 26 when all my other friends are having high-flying career and jet-setting around the world. No, I don't feel regret buy just felt unfulfilled and that my life has a missing puzzle to be found and place back to where it belongs..all due to my own internal fear, nothing to do with others.
First, chosen a subject that I could manage easily but not my interest. Next, chosen a privately sponsored college study instead of a far-away local Uni to pursue the subject of interest for fear the extra burden financially when I don't get another scholarship for the Uni.
Fear I am not able to find job while doing my master degree overseas that I couldn't pay off my loan with my aunt and also finance my sibling's study and my parents expenses. Fear I couldn't cope financially with a young child and uncertain job securities while overseas..
So much fear in me..I realized that has in a way protected me from the unknown yet has also stop me from achieving what I could have achieved ...I only I give it a try(as a brave friend of mine once said..jur give it a try)...
Yes! So in the coming year, I want to try:
- to cherish every moment with my children especially the much- neglected SE, being the second child. Look fwd to spend 1-2-1 time with him(with bb ZS along) as Bbsitter has requested no more Sat child-minding for her..I would need I take care of 3 kids on my own starting 2014. Still trying to see how I could make it easier to manage. But every event has its silver linings..I take it as a bomb which ultimately is a good training for me to learn how to manage 3 kids on my own..this skill will be helpful should I able to fulfill another dream of mine working from home...when and if opportunity comes along...my ultimate dream since young and unmarried ha..
- try to control and mellow myself, to tame my temper towards the kids(always look at their bb pictures is enough to set me back to the loving mom I used to be when they are just an adorable baby) and remind myself why God send them as a gift to me in the first place. I am merely assign to nurture them on behalf of God. Not to "pollute/hurt" them with harsh words!
- Try to make time for DH and have daily couple time/short chit chat and monthly couple moment(must schedule this else might never happens!)
- Try my best to do my household chores with a happy heart..ultimately I am here to serve happily. Despite no extra helping hands..the moment I can do this without imbalance or unhappy feelings, I believe I will pass this phase ..
- Try to pickup skills at work; skills no matter what field..it'll be a great help in times to come.
- Try to be patient, joyful, and positive
- Try to take good care of myself and self-grooming. Feel good when we treat ourselves well.
- Try to make time for families members and friends..
What else I missed?
Try to do more essential daily reading - that unavoidable spiritual food for the soul..
Reflection adjourned will be back again with more concrete plans ;)
Mind to share your New Year goals?
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